Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
