and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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