...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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