i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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