I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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