I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
