it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
