My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You made out with two different species that night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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