it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
