Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
