my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My ass is underappreciated
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
