my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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