i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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