so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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