I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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