32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
