you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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