I have demons in me.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
