Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
