I need help removing her.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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