So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
