well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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