Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
