She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
