i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
