Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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