I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
