Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
