I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Farmville is her only friend.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
