guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
worst night to have a conscience
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
