I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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