I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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