i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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