i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
