We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
