i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
