Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
