I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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