you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
