I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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