genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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