I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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