I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
