I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
