I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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