Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
try to milk me bitch
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
