You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize