The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize