He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize