benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
