I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
