I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
