I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
