you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
