Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
