I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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