I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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