im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need to calm my uterus...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
