He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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