just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
