Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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