the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
