WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
