no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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