I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
