Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
