Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
