We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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