i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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