I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
